Subject: The Nursing Home Decision
Instructor: Arlene Chandler
Placing ones' parent in a nursing home is the hardest decision for children to make. There are no simple answers, because there are no simple questions. It is easy to feel guilty, but there comes a time when you have done the very best you can, and there is no alternative. People are living longer, and statistics say that 60% of those over 65 today will end up in such homes. Our society is more "scattered" now; often care will have to be found for a parent in a city many miles from where the children live.
Too often, a nursing home decision must be made on the spur of the moment. If possible, plans should be made early, ie "if the situation gets to---, we will have to use a nursing home". The entire family should participate, and any decisions discussed honestly and openly with the parent. Allow them to share their feelings.
Learn all possible about the parent's financial and legal situation. Talk to the Medicare or Medicaid counselor about the documentation needed to qualify for these benefits. Investigate Long Term Care Insurance. Although it is more expensive the older the insured, it may still be cheaper than not having it.
Visit several homes -- at different times of day. Notice how the staff interacts with the patients. Often there is a very high rate of staff turnover among those lowest paid persons who also have the highest rate of patient interaction. Ask questions and expect answers. A home should not be an alternative for regular visits from the children. Visits at different times of day and check the circumstances when you visit.
There are various legal and financial documents needed for medical treatment and related personal care for the patient. Among others, you should have a living will and durable power of attorney. Gather and keep in a safe place copies of these documents, as well as wills, trust agreements, tax and financial records, deeds, titles, insurance policies, birth and marriage,etc. certificates, credit card numbers, bank books and the names and addresses of attorneys, accountants and doctors.
Finally, be good to yourself too. You have done the best you can. Love is doing what people objectively need -- not necessarily what they or we want.
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